© Monologue Nahidh  March - 2006


Translated from Arabic by Y.S.Yahya

I will tell a short story.

My friends Hazama and peter asked me to write a scene that can give you a scene from the Iraqi atmosphere..
I have tired to do, but it is dangerous. You will find yourself suddenly in horrible streets where every car could be bombed one. Every street could be suddenly a stage for engagement. Perhaps we would be under the siege and the whole place could be bombed. Who is doing that? a question, that nobody would answer. The US forces accuse terrorism. Resistance accuses US force. Our government accuses neighboring countries. Finally opposition accuses the government. Different accusations but the result is one. Now we are here and die. die.. die.. by the most complicated methods of murder.
Therefore, would you please excuse me. I can't start from this place and time, because it is very difficult. Let me go back a little to chose a suit place and time to say my tale.

The actor is sitting, embracing his knees by his arm, standing, opening his arm, turning a little, then ties his hand, move around quickly, then suddenly stops, looking at his watch. Libya. Sept. 1997. Sitting alone on the Mediterranean Sea. I have nothing just small handbag and daybook .I beg you to let me write my diaries in this daybook. I am Nahidih Al-Ramadani, I left Iraq since four months ago looking for job and now sitting on this seat hopeless after I couldn’t find any job. Thousand of kilometers far away from my kids and family, with no more than four dollars in my pocket. How am I going to manage my things?? . Closing the daybook, speaking to the audience … it is acceptable opening. I feel nervous and tension. Here I am under the siege once more. Be siege by expatriation, poverty, starving.
No I won’t back again search for beautiful start.

Sat alone surrounding his knees with his arms. Alone, turn a little then he stopped. Looking at his watch. Oh. March 1993. Thanks for God. They demobilized me from the army. Thanks for God. At last I am here .I Shall begin my story from this point, but … little Mays is crying. She is my daughter. She was born since few days ago. How am I going to manage my affairs? I am unemployed. Since I left the army and I haven’t any job. Before months I used to conduct a company consist of hundred soldiers, quite ready to die for the sake of my homeland. But the war is end, the country left me alone. Now I haven’t any task. I have nothing to do. No money to start any project. I haven’t any idea for any project. I can do nothing-just writing and may be teaching. But teacher’s salary doesn’t excess three dollars monthly. American blockade on Iraq tighten its grip. People starting to remove doors & windows of their houses and sale them to buy food for their children after they have sold every piece of furniture. Blockade started to seem won’t end unless million and four hundred thousand Iraqis had to die from hunger & diseases. What I am going to do is not asuitable start for my story, let me escape. I will escape to the back, searching for abetter start.

The actor again sitting and embrace his knees with his hands turn a little then stopped. Looking at his watch. Then jumped lied down. Now I am in February 1992. Under the siege with my soldiers in Kuwait. The remains of Iraqi army retreated, but unfortunately bombed on the road. As for us, we have forgotten the commanders here. But the alliance’s aircrafts hadn’t forgotten us. We are hungry. Nothing-just Tornado, Jaguar, B52 releasing tons of bombs over our heads. All of us pray to God to be lucky and meet our end together by one bomb. It would be much better than dying from hunger. Bombs falling heavily. My soldiers hiding in their shelters. And I … I made use of the time in which I am waiting death to do some thing useful. I am here now writing novel. My first novel. . Bombs falling more heavily. I wonder when shall their ammunition ends. I can't keep going like that, I will search for another point to start my tale.

The actor stand then return to the past, looking at his watch.
Thanks for God. It may be suitable start, now I am in February 1990. Our first gulf war has finished. And I am standing on the front line, but the front line is calm since year ago or more… My soldiers & me, we used to discover daily the remains of soldier’s bodies. Why are they died. More than million men died in a war lasted eight years & suddenly stopped as it has started without reasonable cause. Mines field spread widely in front of me. How was the soldiers used to pass it. Mines in the land. Gun’s shells rain from the sky. And bullets.. the bullets fill the rest emptiness. I shall write about this. Here and here, I shall write my play (Engagement) my first play. I have to write it now while I am drinking my cup of tea on amines field beach. But I can write as you see. I am so shy … I won't leave you for a long time and I will look for a new start for you. Far start. I will return back deeply.

Actor stands. Tied his hand and move around for a while, then suddenly stops, looking at his watch for a long time, make it closer to his eyes. I can fell with happiness, over whelming happiness. Now I am in 1972. Still in my eight age. Second class in a primary school. I have learned reading and writing before a year. And now I have taken a crucial decision regarding my future. I will be a writer. Yes, I will be a writer and I will write beautiful things about love. Beauty, Justice about…. many things I shall say to the world. I am a lucky child. Lovely boy, decided to participate to build a new world. Every thing around me is beautiful. I am not suffering from Oedipus complex or any other silly psychological complex. Every thing is all right. My family is strong and achieves whatever I want. My friend likes me. I have nothing just to keep going and I shall achieve everything I have planned easily. All my teachers say that I am very clever and I have more than one skill. I can draw in a wonderful way, sometimes writing short stories. I have a good skill in handicrafts. Every thing is wonderful.. Wonderful … wonderful.
The actor stops, looking for a while at the audience….

I is this a convenient point to start. I don't think so. My words seem bored at the beginning, then I will find my self know the way to go back for all the other painful places that I have escaped from. From where I shall start my story? Are you felling bored? I couldn't found one place in the entire past suite to be a start. So now I am deciding to start from a dangerous point. For me it's a very dangerous. I will start from the future. From the known future. I will take a risk and go there. Always the future was the worse. Moving from grief to another. Every new day was bringing a new problem to me. New fatigue. New war. But I will take the risk and move forward, may be I would found my self in a new engagement. Or be carried on a litter or dismembered in a hospital. Perhaps I would be just a corpse thrown on the road. But I will accept the challenge and I shall go a head. I can't stand any more. It would be another bright start. May be there is another light of hope. I have to go now.
(tinning his hand and start to turn around…) make one round or two.
He stops talking to the audience. You can help me. Please … now you can close your eyes for one moment and pray to God to give Iraq new start. Do that for the sake of me and for the people who doesn't know why they are get killed. Close your eyes now and pray for a better future for us all. I will go a head now over there. Looking for a new start to tell you more beautiful story .  

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